Bliss

It's that moment when you're so absorbed by what you're doing that you lose yourself in the 'zone'.  Time evaporates, escaping with a sweep of an arm or a flick of a wrist.

And so it was that I found myself watching episode 4 of Grey's Anatomy Season 7, a perennial favourite of mine, in which a young man has cancer in his lower leg.

His only obvious option was to have his leg amputated.

To him, this was not an option.

Karev had no idea what this would mean to the boy, until he watched him dance.  He improvised contemporary ballet, with such joy and sadness, his body conveyed hope.  His face showed his emotion and the bliss showed through.  There was optimism.

After a certain amount of research, an alternative possibility was found.  Remove the bone, put it through chemo and replace it back into the leg.

When he asked Karev what he would do, Karev said that if it were his arm and he were faced with not being able to operate again, then yes, he would have the surgery.
I can remember the feeling of anguish and pain when I broke my L2, the muscle spasms made it impossible for me to lie down or relax.  It felt as if my back would never be the same again and I did wonder if I would have the luxury of dancing or if that was it.  Thankfully with time, I was able to heal to some degree but not fully regain all my flexibility or strength.

For me, it is so easy to lose myself when dancing.  Sometimes it is purely spontaneous.  Music isn't necessarily needed or required.  The motion comes from within.  It is the emotion that erupts through my limbs.  It ripples down my spine, causing me to pas de chat or pirouette, to fall to the ground in a pleading.  It is that feeling of muscle play, of suspension in the air, holding on until the last minute.  It is the expression that gets released, happiness or sadness.

But all this is nothing without an able body.  The mere thought of not being able to move, is abhorrent to me.  To be incapacitated is not an option.

I am grateful daily for the ability to move and be moved, whether professionally or not, this is my utopia, my Shrangri-La, an Elysian Field for my mind, giving me a sense of bliss and an innate sense of freedom.