After

It has arrived.

My new duvet cover is finally here.

It is very white but that is what I wanted so....

I do like the texture of the waffle, so its not flat white.

Plus I've added an aubergine throw, just for decoration.

I'm sure I just need to get used to it's brightness.

The main thing is, is that it is not rotten, BIG plus.

P.S. No comments about my lack of ironing skills, please.

Soundly sleeping

I went in to my daughter's room to check on her before I went to bed, she half woke up and in the twilight between sleep and dreams, she mumbled, "no, Daria, I want to make a purple one".

Purple what?

Before

I am so excited.

It's only a small thing but I am finally getting a new duvet cover. I wanted white, but not flat white. I wanted texture. White on white and then accent it with a stronger colour. After hours of surfing through the web, I found what I wanted on Ebay. With any luck it will look as good in real life as it does online.

My current on has been on my bed for more than 10 years and has seen me through my marriage and my divorce.

Many things have changed in my life and now it is time to shed this part of it.

But more importantly, it is now rotten.

Seriously rotten.

I keep putting my fingers through it.

Not too good to look at any more.

So out with the old and in with the new.

Now I just have to wait for it to arrive......hopefully tomorrow.

Fingers crossed!!!!

Mon maison

There is something to be said for being in one's own humble abode.

I know that I have thread bare carpets, pale aqua walls, okra coloured lino for a kitchen floor, draughty windows and no shower.

But I have never been so thankful to be home, ever.

Last Wednesday 14th April, we were on flight BA296 leaving Chicago at 8.10pm, which we did.

But it left 2 hours late due to the crew being broken down on the motorway.

Eventually we took off and my daughter went to sleep.

But then 2 hours into the journey, the pilot pipes in....."some of you may have noticed that the plane has turned around and is now facing back to Chicago. This is due to massive volcanic disruption from Iceland".

I began to quietly cry.

It suddenly felt like my future plan was being threatened.

We were given coupons for a night in a hotel and food and told to come back the next day.

We landed back in Chicago and had to go collect our luggage. We then went to our respective hotels and slept.

Oh what a night.

The next morning was not much better.

We all re-queued at 1.30pm to check back in to get back on the same plane that we had been on the night before.

Unfortunately as we found out, the ash cloud was too big and too dangerous.

All those who were starting their journeys were told to go home and rebook at a much later date.

Those of us who needed to get home, were told to rebook asap.

So I rang my cousin who very graciously came and got us.....again.

Thursday night we slept at her house and then I gave my daughter back to her father.

I was feeling very fragile.

What if I didn't get back in time for my interviews.

What if I didn't get back in time for my exams.

Too many what ifs...

Friday morning, I sat on the phone and spoke to a local BA office and was rebooked for Wednesday 21st April.

I'm not much for praying or fingers crossed, but I spent the next 5 days holding my breath.

On Tuesday, I received a text telling me the flight was canceled. Shit (excuse my language).

Back on the phone and told to go to BA.com.

Logged on and put in my reference number and it told me my flight was still on schedule.

The news reports were saying that UK airspace was all set to reopen.

Not yet daring to breath, I checked the website probably every 1/2 hour.

It was a nightmare not knowing.

Finally I went to bed Tuesday night, hopeful.

I picked up my daughter on Wednesday, had lunch and my fabulous cousin took us back to the airport.

I had been told to be back at the airport 5 hours early.

Now that was going to make for a fun day out with a 6 year old.

NOT!

Standing in the queue, I recognised one of the BA ground staff from the previous week.

I asked him if I was in the right queue and that I'd been on the 'up/down' flight on 14th.

There was a look of recognition in his face.

5 minutes later, he beckoned us over to the front of the line.

Unbelievably, we were being put onto an earlier flight home. Yes, home.

And they gave us a window seat, which meant that my child could sleep and only kick me.

They took all our bags, even though I was one over the limit.

They were friendly, efficient and did the best that they could do, with their somewhat limited resources.

We had a couple of hours to kill and went in search of a Starbucks (need to feed my addiction).

Task accomplished, we went back to Terminal 5 to look for somewhere to sit.

Happily we came across a fabulous couple that we had befriended the first time around.

My daughter was so pleased.

Time passed and we went through the customs to the gate.

As it turned out, we were flying on the same plane that we had last week and the same crew

It took off 10 minutes late, but it took off.

Deep sigh of relief.

2 hours into the trip and we were still flying.

3 hours went by and finally the crew began to prepare for descent.

Landing was smooth and there was an audible, collective sigh of relief when we pulled into the gate at Heathrow.

Oh joy, almost home.

And to add to that joy, our luggage was not the last out.

I'd already spoken to my mum and knew she was waiting just the other side of customs, with a taxi.

Seeing her, I became tearful again.

The relief was palpable.

I am so happy to be sitting at home on my old couch, watching my very old telly, about to get into my nice clean bath.

I can only hope that all the 'stranded' people get home safely.

"May a fair wind fill your sails."

Home.....what a wonderful word

home

 noun, adjective, adverb, verb,homed, hom·ing.

–noun

1.

a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.

2.

the place in which one's domestic affections are centered.

3.

a person's native place or own country.

4.

any place of residence or refuge: a heavenly home.

I feel like these 4 examples sum up quite precisely how I am feeling about being back in my home.

Definition of home:

abode, address, apartment,boarding house, bungalow, cabin, castle, cave, co-op, commorancy, condo, condominium, cottage, crash pad, diggings, digs, domicile, dormitory, dump, dwelling, farm, fireside, flat, habitation, hangout, haunt, hearth, hideout, hole in the wall, home plate, homestead, hospital, house, hut, joint, living quarters, manor, mansion, nest, orphanage, pad, palace, parking place, place, residence, resort, roof, rooming house, roost, shanty, shelter, trailer, turf, villa, where the hat is...

As per Dragon Lady

To quote from an email just sent to me from one of my tutors:

"Nature has just taken over and humans can not do anything until the universe decides that okay and they can enter"

Waiting to exhale...

Yes I'm holding my breath.
Apparently, we are still scheduled to fly out of here tonight.
Oh my gosh!!!
The mere thought that we could potentially be home tomorrow, home and sleeping in our own beds, is knee-wobbling.
I could actually make it to one of my University interviews.
But wait.....I'm still here and haven't left yet.
At this point, I cannot count my chickens until they've hatched.
It is still all such a work in progress.
So until we do fly.....watch this space.
(And the UK airspace too!)

Volcano exile......a work in progress

To follow on from a very recent post from Family Affairs, I decided to write a little more about my life at this point in time.
I’m stuck in Chicago. Not the worst place to be by any stretch of the imagination, but definitely the wrong side of the pond to be able to contemplate taking a train home.
I would like to toy with the idea of flying into southern Spain, getting on a train to Paris and the Eurostar to London, but somehow I don’t think that that will happen.
My mother told me about all the old battle ships parked up in the Hudson river in New York. Mobilise those and ship all us Brits home.
As for emotions, don’t even get me started. I had a panic attack Sunday morning. I couldn't breath, my heart was racing and I was very tearful. It was NOT nice, not sure I’ve had one of those before. Thankfully the day got better.
I kept reminding myself that it could be oh so much worse. Like most people, I have friends stuck everywhere, Egypt, Italy (not too bad), an island off Denmark. I’m grateful to have a place to stay here and not be stuck in an airport. I feel so sorry for those families with children who have nowhere to go other than the airport. How awful is that?
But I do the ‘what if’ thing all the time.
Our plane actually took off last week to go home, but it had been delayed by 2 hours and was turned around after 3 hours. Shit does happen!
If we hadn’t been delayed, I could possibly be at home as we speak.
There is so much in my life at home that I am missing right now. Interviews, deadlines, family, friends, man. I'm feeling very unproductive but this is something that I can change. Homework can be emailed to me and visa versa.
It does amaze me that we have become so dependent on modern necessities.
But I think the thing I’m most grateful for right now, is being able to access the internet.
Staying in touch and hearing other stories and the news has been a blessing.
I hope that if you are one of the many 'stranded', that you’re able to get home soon.

Volcanic ash GRRRRRR!!!!!

Why me?
Oh and why me plus the other 1000s of people stuck here?
As much as I enjoy Chicago, I really need to be somewhere else.
Namely London.
I need to be at home being far more productive.
This is not the hiccup that I had anticipated.
I can only hope that I will make it through the next few weeks.
Fingers crossed.

becoming a patchwork.....again

Do I need to darn yet another hole?

Sleepless nights

Thoughts are a powerful thing.

They enter your mind when you least expect it.

Intruding on the activity of the moment.

Staying your actions.

Silencing your motions.

Awake they're chattering loudly.

Asleep they appear submerged in a dream.

Different paths leading to alternative outcomes.

Scenarios faced with opening doors.

Conversations can decide the next direction.

A downward spiral or an upward curve.

It is a toss of a coin that keeps your attention from being focused.

Distraction being a hard thing to let go of.

As a guru once said to me, "be of no mind".

Reality

Reality is a hard thing to accept.
A young friend (only 19), has just had a miscarriage.
She is feeling the weight of her loss, which I think is especially heavy as she had just told people about this pregnancy.
Accepting a loss is a difficult thing to do.
Denial for a while is much easier, more palpable.
Wanting something that simply isn't possible, isn't a very accurate reality, is a painful thing to come to terms with.
But sadly, it is the reality of the situation.

Distraction

I have handed my child over to her father.
It is done.
I won't see her now until next Wednesday.
7 whole days!
Already I am missing her presence.
She has such a sweet smile.
It is at this point in the visit, the beginning, that I worry about her.
She hasn't been well and I wish that we hadn't had to travel, but we did.
Thankfully, she perked up and became more like her normal self.
But I do worry.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I worry that she won't come back to me.
I know it's irrational, but it is a fear.
I do my best to distract myself from it.
And I am fortunate to have dear friends and family around me, continuously helping me with this distraction.
And tonight?
My first solo night, I'm off for 'grown up' sushi with child's godmama.
A good distraction.

Not really in the spirit...

I was all prepared to be full of the joys of spring and Easter, but that was not to be.

My poor child fell into the biggest muddy puddle yesterday and was soaked from head to foot.

She managed to catch a chill and went to bed with a temperature, which she still had this morning.

She is now on the couch having a duvet day, while I frantically pack for our trip tomorrow.

Actually, not so frantic as I've obviously taken time out to type a post.

She stayed with her Grandma on Friday night and decorated some eggs.

And yesterday, she helped a friend create an Easter 'tree' from some budding branches from the garden.

And that is what I am sharing with you today.