Reality

Reality is a hard thing to accept.
A young friend (only 19), has just had a miscarriage.
She is feeling the weight of her loss, which I think is especially heavy as she had just told people about this pregnancy.
Accepting a loss is a difficult thing to do.
Denial for a while is much easier, more palpable.
Wanting something that simply isn't possible, isn't a very accurate reality, is a painful thing to come to terms with.
But sadly, it is the reality of the situation.

Self reflection

Something I'm learning how to do at college, is to be more self reflective.
I need to start looking inside myself.
But something that keeps coming up in my thoughts is honesty.
The reason I say this is that I've spent most of the last week and a half trying to come to grips with the fact that I am probably not going to hear from DC again.
The words, "I'll ring you" were the last things he said to me and almost 2 weeks later, I still haven't heard from him. I have resisted the urge to call or text him, so hard when all I want to do is confront him.
But he referred to himself as a butterfly and I have to respect that he doesn't want to get squashed.
I sat in my friend's kitchen to day and said realistically, it's better that I be hurt and get over it now, then be hurt and have to get over it in 2 months time.
The trouble is, is that I'm still in denial. I still think we have potential.
I still want to scream at him and say just give it a chance.
But then I have a reality check and realise that if he wanted this, he would have called by now.
I don't want the reality.
I want what I thought we had, even if it wasn't perfect.
I don't want to be alone.
I want someone to share my life.
And I don't understand why I can't have this?