Something I'm learning how to do at college, is to be more self reflective.
I need to start looking inside myself.
But something that keeps coming up in my thoughts is honesty.
The reason I say this is that I've spent most of the last week and a half trying to come to grips with the fact that I am probably not going to hear from DC again.
The words, "I'll ring you" were the last things he said to me and almost 2 weeks later, I still haven't heard from him. I have resisted the urge to call or text him, so hard when all I want to do is confront him.
But he referred to himself as a butterfly and I have to respect that he doesn't want to get squashed.
I sat in my friend's kitchen to day and said realistically, it's better that I be hurt and get over it now, then be hurt and have to get over it in 2 months time.
The trouble is, is that I'm still in denial. I still think we have potential.
I still want to scream at him and say just give it a chance.
But then I have a reality check and realise that if he wanted this, he would have called by now.
I don't want the reality.
I want what I thought we had, even if it wasn't perfect.
I don't want to be alone.
I want someone to share my life.
And I don't understand why I can't have this?
I need to start looking inside myself.
But something that keeps coming up in my thoughts is honesty.
The reason I say this is that I've spent most of the last week and a half trying to come to grips with the fact that I am probably not going to hear from DC again.
The words, "I'll ring you" were the last things he said to me and almost 2 weeks later, I still haven't heard from him. I have resisted the urge to call or text him, so hard when all I want to do is confront him.
But he referred to himself as a butterfly and I have to respect that he doesn't want to get squashed.
I sat in my friend's kitchen to day and said realistically, it's better that I be hurt and get over it now, then be hurt and have to get over it in 2 months time.
The trouble is, is that I'm still in denial. I still think we have potential.
I still want to scream at him and say just give it a chance.
But then I have a reality check and realise that if he wanted this, he would have called by now.
I don't want the reality.
I want what I thought we had, even if it wasn't perfect.
I don't want to be alone.
I want someone to share my life.
And I don't understand why I can't have this?
You will one day have someone who will be so right for you. This one apparantly isn't and better things come when nothing is in their way. xx
ReplyDeleteI like what Lsy said - couldn't have put it better myself.
ReplyDeleteNice man, free spirit, butterfly - whatever. Soon enough you will have what you thought you had. Only this time it will be for real.
Big {{HUGS}} x x