Something I'm learning how to do at college, is to be more self reflective.
I need to start looking inside myself.
But something that keeps coming up in my thoughts is honesty.
The reason I say this is that I've spent most of the last week and a half trying to come to grips with the fact that I am probably not going to hear from DC again.
The words, "I'll ring you" were the last things he said to me and almost 2 weeks later, I still haven't heard from him. I have resisted the urge to call or text him, so hard when all I want to do is confront him.
But he referred to himself as a butterfly and I have to respect that he doesn't want to get squashed.
I sat in my friend's kitchen to day and said realistically, it's better that I be hurt and get over it now, then be hurt and have to get over it in 2 months time.
The trouble is, is that I'm still in denial. I still think we have potential.
I still want to scream at him and say just give it a chance.
But then I have a reality check and realise that if he wanted this, he would have called by now.
I don't want the reality.
I want what I thought we had, even if it wasn't perfect.
I don't want to be alone.
I want someone to share my life.
And I don't understand why I can't have this?
I need to start looking inside myself.
But something that keeps coming up in my thoughts is honesty.
The reason I say this is that I've spent most of the last week and a half trying to come to grips with the fact that I am probably not going to hear from DC again.
The words, "I'll ring you" were the last things he said to me and almost 2 weeks later, I still haven't heard from him. I have resisted the urge to call or text him, so hard when all I want to do is confront him.
But he referred to himself as a butterfly and I have to respect that he doesn't want to get squashed.
I sat in my friend's kitchen to day and said realistically, it's better that I be hurt and get over it now, then be hurt and have to get over it in 2 months time.
The trouble is, is that I'm still in denial. I still think we have potential.
I still want to scream at him and say just give it a chance.
But then I have a reality check and realise that if he wanted this, he would have called by now.
I don't want the reality.
I want what I thought we had, even if it wasn't perfect.
I don't want to be alone.
I want someone to share my life.
And I don't understand why I can't have this?
