The first grumble of the new year

My poor neighbour.  I bumped into a lovely neighbour who I often see out and about.  Typically we stand and chat for about 10 minutes or so about this, that and the other.  But today my thoughts were in a funk and so she got a conversation full of "why me?"

So why me?  Why am I finding it so difficult to meet a decent man?  Am I setting my sights too high?  Should I compromise?  How do I carry on believing that there is someone out there for me?  I've been home for 6 1/2 years and in all that time, I don't think any of my friends or their husbands have managed to put forward even an unworthy candidate.  I'm not expecting them to find me a partner, but possible suggestions would be appreciated.  Except that what I'm finding after talking with my friends, is that there appears to be a shortage of single men.  My neighbour even said this and added that she only knew one single man and felt that he was sort of asexual.  Not a good recommendation.

I have tried using dating websites and had no success, not even flirty texts/emails.  I have two dates and then nothing, or there are long conversations with no mention of meeting up.  
Of course I am feeling all this right after New Year's Eve, when everyone around me is cuddling up to their partner/husband.  I don't want to spend another year's end like this last one.  I want to be able to co-host dinner parties, or go on dates with other couples.  I want to share the joy of seeing that gorgeous sunset when driving through Hampstead Heath.  I want all of that and more, but I feel like I'm running out of options.  

So what do I do next?

I wish someone would take my lack of relationship in hand and sort it out for me.

Wouldn't it be great if there was someone out there who took a time to get to know me and then did all the leg work for me, sorting out potential partners from time wasters.

How ideal would that be, eh?

Crikey!!!!

An old friend recently left a comment on my Facebook page.

The message read, "crikey, there's no stopping you lady".

I had to laugh as she was right.

Since returning from our trip, I have managed to fill every day with something different for my child to do, from punting to archery to scrambling over a climbing frame.

And that's not even the half of it.

Looking back on it all, I can safely say that we have had a good time with some very wonderful friends.

But I am so glad that school is starting again on Wednesday, because yes, there is something stopping me.  I have almost run out of steam.

One more day, a day with various friends and my mother and a trip to a museum.

Oh this is a fabulous city go exploring in even if you are a 43 year old going on 8.

Such fun is had by all!! 

Volcano exile......a work in progress

To follow on from a very recent post from Family Affairs, I decided to write a little more about my life at this point in time.
I’m stuck in Chicago. Not the worst place to be by any stretch of the imagination, but definitely the wrong side of the pond to be able to contemplate taking a train home.
I would like to toy with the idea of flying into southern Spain, getting on a train to Paris and the Eurostar to London, but somehow I don’t think that that will happen.
My mother told me about all the old battle ships parked up in the Hudson river in New York. Mobilise those and ship all us Brits home.
As for emotions, don’t even get me started. I had a panic attack Sunday morning. I couldn't breath, my heart was racing and I was very tearful. It was NOT nice, not sure I’ve had one of those before. Thankfully the day got better.
I kept reminding myself that it could be oh so much worse. Like most people, I have friends stuck everywhere, Egypt, Italy (not too bad), an island off Denmark. I’m grateful to have a place to stay here and not be stuck in an airport. I feel so sorry for those families with children who have nowhere to go other than the airport. How awful is that?
But I do the ‘what if’ thing all the time.
Our plane actually took off last week to go home, but it had been delayed by 2 hours and was turned around after 3 hours. Shit does happen!
If we hadn’t been delayed, I could possibly be at home as we speak.
There is so much in my life at home that I am missing right now. Interviews, deadlines, family, friends, man. I'm feeling very unproductive but this is something that I can change. Homework can be emailed to me and visa versa.
It does amaze me that we have become so dependent on modern necessities.
But I think the thing I’m most grateful for right now, is being able to access the internet.
Staying in touch and hearing other stories and the news has been a blessing.
I hope that if you are one of the many 'stranded', that you’re able to get home soon.

A glance over my shoulder

2009 has turned out to be an amazing year for me.
That's not to say that it hasn't had it's ups and downs, but overall, it has been one of the best for many years.
And so, with respect to that, I felt that a "things I am grateful for" post was in order.
To start with, I am grateful to be dancing again. Last year, on the 3rd Tuesday of January I began going to Ceroc and loved it. A couple of weeks later, I started doing the Friday class too. This became my new drug of choice. It encapsulated all the elements that I required at that time to feel rounded as a person. It is social dancing and I have made many friends. I have learned a skill, that can be improved upon with practice. It is physical exercise as I am moving for almost 3 hours a night, twice a week. It is my mental therapy because I am able to lose myself in the movement and music. But mostly, it has given me a sense of belonging again. I have become a part of the community of Ceroc with a feeling of welcome.
I am also grateful to Ceroc for having reinstilled a level of confidence about myself that I haven't felt in many years.
One of my ongoing battles has been with my weight, most of which I gained while living in the States. Dancing as often as I have, the weight has slowly gone, allowing me to lose 14lbs in 11 months, leaving me feeling ok about my body.
I think I mentioned my health in an earlier post, but to recap, I had pneumonia 3 times in 18 months with the last bout finishing just before Christmas 2008. I changed my eating habits and started dancing and this is what I think has kept me healthy for the last year. I shall keep on this track for at least another year as I want a healthy 2 year cycle, free of pneumonia. So watch this space.
I also started a very demanding Access course in September, with a view to doing a 3 year degree next year. I have sent in my university applications and hope to have some interviews lined up within the next month or so. This is all part of my plan to be self-sufficient and independant and to be able to support myself and my daughter, so I am grateful to have gotten this far.
Finally, I think I'd like to start talking about the people that are in my life that I am grateful for of which there are probably too many too mention, so here are the key ones.
Nicola, my dear friend, who quite literally bends over backwards for me. Her love and support shows no boundaries or restrictions.
Moving back to London, has allowed my daughter to grow up close to her grandmother and for me to 5 minutes from my mum, a wonderful, nurturing support.
Without the enduring friendship of Sos, I would never have made it this far. Her encouragement was the impetus that got me back on track.
I am grateful to have one of my siblings nearby and for my child to have her Uncle, who is a hunkle (clarice bean) to romp around with.
While on the subject of hunks, I am most happy with the man that I met through dancing (Ceroc has a lot to answer for). He makes me smile, laugh and feel beautiful.
And to end this endless list of gratefulness, I would just like to add that the person that I am most grateful to have in my life, for without her, it wouldn't be worth much, is my stunning, precocious, affectionate little girl, she gives me an adorable reason to get out of bed every morning.

Unexpected...

Last week, on Tuesday to be precise, I was invited to Thanksgiving.
To set the scene, last week was one of the maddest weeks that I've had to date, in a long time.
I had two assignments due.
One was a 5 minute speaking presentation on Thursday and the other was a multi-faceted, 2 part 2000 word essay, with references and bibliography for Friday.
Plus I had normal work, normal chores and normal running around after child's busy social life.
Having made the decision to go to Thanksgiving, I suddenly realised that I needed to 'bring' something. I couldn't go empty handed.
Quickly, what should I do?
Why...make biscuits of course.
And that's what I did, a quick, batch of fresh chocolate chip biscuits.
Now to the problem of what to wear???
That was the easy part, black tuxedo trousers, patent mary-janes, sparkly black top, fitted wool jacket, long cashmere coat (also black), pale pink pashmina scarf and big silver ring.
Slightly over-dressed but that was remedied by throwing my black turtle neck jumper on, mainly to keep me warm. It was a freezing night, not good for the walk from the bus stop to their house.

But Thanksgiving was wonderful and I soon warmed up. The hostess is a new friend, an American who married a Londoner. She and her family welcomed me into their home, along with 5 other friends. It was such an interesting group of people. A journalist, a research doctor, a social worker, an architect, a top hair stylist and me........a newbie student. The conversation was, for the most part, riveting and the food divine.
Sitting there, it occurred to me that I had a lot to be thankful for.
I've been healthy for almost a year.
I've started dancing again.
I'm on a path to a new career.
My child is happy and well, except for a stinking cough.
I have a plethora of amazing friends.
And I've met a lovely man.
I am where I want to be at this moment in time.
This was my first Thanksgiving since my divorce.
And for all of the above, I am truly thankful.