Panic

This week was full of little emotional highs and lows.

I felt like I was on a mini-roller coaster and it was NOT fun.

In my last post, I talked about time and I'm going to mention it again.

I do feel like time is running away from me.

I am half-way through my Access course and my University application has been processed, but now it is all about waiting. I have to wait for a letter asking me to come for an interview and that is where I'm coming undone.

I'm making the assumption that the 3 (well 2 really as I'm not that interested in the 3rd one) Universities will look at my application and want to interview me. My lack of confidence is screaming "why would they want to speak with me, when there are so many others with more experience/skills etc?" I was feeling like I needed to speak with my tutor, so I voiced my concerns about my future. I need to do this degree, I need to start working and building my career. I need to be able to support myself and my daughter. Going to University is a major part of the stepping stones that will enable me to succeed.

So I had a wobbly, spoke to my tutor who told me in no uncertain terms, to stop worrying as it was all out of my control.

After the hypothetical splash of cold water to my face, normal life resumed and I focused again on what I needed to accomplish in the here and now.

But I still feel and will probably continue to feel for sometime to come, that I have a weight on my shoulders, that of the responsibility of providing for another person, a dependent person.

It is a heavy load to bear, but one that I hope to do with a modicum of success and with a willingness that has no strings.