Trapped

Not sure if trapped is really the right word, but I definitely feel like my hands are tied.

Admittedly, when I got divorced, I was granted the legal right to return home with my daughter under the proviso that she return to the States for 30 days a year.  This is more then some of my friends have been able to do and less than others.  But over all, I'm ok with it.

I don't mind going back with my daughter as it gives me the opportunity to spend time with my friends and family.  What I am struggling with is the financial commitment.  It is almost impossible to spend a straight 30 days over there, so the visit is broken into two parts.  This means that there are two sets of plane tickets. As a student, I have the time, but struggle with the money.  When I graduate, I will hopefully have the money but not the time.  Bit of a catch 22.  I am thinking that in about 5 or 6 years time, she might be old enough to do the trip alone.  This is not something that I am confortable with but it might have to become a reality.  My ex has said no to any kind of 'time' compromise.  He wants every second of his 30 days, but won't consider a visit over here as part of the 30, only as additional time.  He is now talking about visiting in the new year.  He has agreed to continue to 'contribute' to my child's plane tickets but not cover the complete cost.  So if I tell him the return flight is £400, he'll give me £300.

Is this fair?  No.

Is he put out at all by these visits?  No.

The other side of the coin is that I have my daughter year round, ups and downs included.

My Pops used to say all too often, "life is not fair".

Indeed this is true.

And with that said, I will look forward to the day that I graduate and am gainfully employed.  I want to be able to NOT need his money.  It is not easy being a single parent, relying heavily on the help of friends and family, but its not impossible either.  I have to kick myself every now and then and remind myself that it could be so much worse.  My life could be much more restricted.

So for now, lets just sort out the 'to do' list for the next 12 months and worry about the rest nearer the time.