It got me thinking...

Having just read a post by 'singleparentdad', it got me thinking about how we, as single parents, cope.  How do we manage to be all things to our children?  I am a single mum, how do I then bring in a 'father' type male influence into my daughter's life?  My brother lives not too far away, but he has his own life and is happy being part-time uncle, doing fun things.  I do not have a boyfriend at the moment and even if I did, would he want to try and take on the mantel of 'step-father'?  What would his role be? But this is all moot.  My point in talking about this is that my family life is vastly different from that of my parents or my grandparents.  Traditional family life is changing and we, as a nation, have to adapt to this change.  My daughter came home from school not so long ago and told me how many of her friends only have a mummy (or a daddy), but not both, living with them.  As a middle class, single mum, living in a very middle class area, I am constantly amazed by how many single parents there are living in close proximity to me.  When I was at secondary school, single parent homes were often referred to as 'broken' homes, almost as if this was something that could be fixed with a bit of glue and I'm not talking about Prit Stick either.  

Single parent families are now almost considered to be normal.  Women of a certain age, are making independent decisions to have a child on their own, because they want to become mothers.  Some of us don't choose this role, but have it thrown upon us, while others do, for whatever reason, choose to split up from their partners.  However the parent becomes 'single', it still doesn't negate the fact that the child or children need to have a gender balance in their life.  Men and women do things differently, offer different views on most things.  Different not wrong.  

I'm not saying that a single parent can't raise a child perfectly well and do a really excellent job at it, but what I am saying is to allow space for informative/creative input from an alternative source other than yourself.  For me, through circumstances, my daughter sees her father only twice a year, so I strive to create the time for her to be with her uncle.  I am happy to have her spend time with her friend's family en masse and experience the dad as the grown-up in the group.  But this, as I have said before, is all a work in process.  Each day is a new experience for me as a mother.  I am learning too, trying new things with the hopes of continually broadening and enriching my daughter's life.
Ultimately, I think that ideas evolve and it is up to me as an individual, to allow for the possibility of that change being for the better and keeping that self-proclaimed open mind, open.

We shall see how I do as she grows up.  So far, so good.  (At least most of the time).   

Missing out

It’s the Tuesday afternoon of half term and I’m lying down on my bed, catching up on my emails, listening to the children playing in the room next door.  Yes, you heard that correctly, plural, ‘children’.  Except that two out of the three are not mine.  I still only have one, for which I am very happy about most of the time.  But when I was first married and even for a short while after my divorce, I felt that I wanted another.  I’m going to be 43 this year and have begun the process of trying to let go of the idea of having another child, mainly because I am not in a relationship where that can happen.  But I do feel like I have missed out on having the family that I always wanted.  My sister has two boys, my best friend has two boys, another dear friend has two girls, my neighbours have one of each and I’m one of three.  Having my neighbour’s children over for a play on a somewhat regular basis, gives me that insight into what it might have been like if I’d had more.  It is something that pulls at my heartstrings when I least expect it and frequently makes me yearn for the unavailable, a life not within my grasp.

It is at these moments that I sternly remind myself to be grateful for what I do have, that my glass is definitely half full.

Continuation of conformity...

I find that it's very hard not to conform in some way or another.
And trust me when I say that I have tried...not to that is.
I noticed it hugely when I lived in America. All the properties that I looked at to buy, were amazingly similar, right down to the granite in the kitchen. This was not limited to house buying but also to high street shops selling clothes. Everything seemed to have a sameness about it. There is so much choice but it is all so very similar. It follows the trend and it has so much to do with the consumer society that we are surrounded by. Its the quietly invisible peer pressure of the various circles that we move in.

It's our children in the playground, coming home with the latest 'hip' word, wanting to be the same as their friends. Fundamentally, we are all pack animals with our alpha males and females leading the way, while the rest of us 'sheep' fall into line and conform. It is the pied piper that leads us away from our explorative, edgy selves, to a more uniform existence.

It's what we do with our conformity that counts and how we make it work for us, for our bohemian selves. It's the exploration of our creativity, the spreading of our wings, that allows us to push those proverbial boundaries, that changes the norm into the boho, going far out into the left field.
So take those steps...