No it is not ok

I'm not sixteen anymore.  

I had a date on Tuesday and I was mildly looking forward to it.

I shall refer to him as the 'Greek'.

I got back from my wonderful, sunny, relaxing holiday just over a week ago.  It was heaven to be able to sit on the beach and read all day long.  I felt good.

My mother and child also got back on the same day, but later.  So I went to pick them up from St. Pancreas.  I found parking on the far side of King's Cross and had to cut through that station to reach St. Pancreas.  En route, I was asked directions by the Greek.  I had a few minutes to spare, so we chatted in a slightly flirty way before I had to dash off.  He wanted to continue the conversation, so I took his business card, promising to contact him soon.

I found my mum and little girl, got home, everyone tucked up in bed and then I sent a quick email to the Greek, saying hi.  This had potential and possibilities, so I took a chance.

I got a very full on response back, which should have been my first clue.

I was away, again, at the weekend.  But the Greek was very enthusiastic and I received plenty of texts and phone calls. An abundance of contacts throughout the weekend.

Our date had been set for the Tuesday just gone and I on that morning, I got ready with a bit of intrepidation.  It had been a while since I had had a date with someone other than DC, so I dressed with care.

We were meeting in the Starbucks on England's Lane in Primrose Hill, which is a lovely, leafy part of north London and then going over to a Greek restaurant.  He was a few minutes late, but almost immediately, wanted to kiss me.  It felt a bit soon, actually more than a bit soon and the kiss wasn't that great.  He clearly was already enamoured.  We went to the restaurant, Lemonia in Primrose Hill, which by the way, had amazing food and I would definitely recommend it.  Thankfully we sat opposite each other.  At this point, I'm not sure that I could have handled sitting side by side.  To say that his table manners were slightly lacking is an understatement and this statement in itself, makes me sound like some posh, snooty north Londoner but it was as if he had never seen a knife or fork.

Now I am a self-confessed tactile person, but he was beyond that.  He asked me to have my hand on the table and to hold his.  He kept placing me in certain positions, sort of a control thing, but very needy.  To me, this was not the behaviour of a first date.  We barely knew each other.

After lunch, we walked part of the way up Primrose Hill to a large tree, where he sat down.  No sooner had a sat down too, then he literally leaped on me.  Rolling around on the grass with a man that I hard know and am not even sure that I am attracted to, is not my idea of a good date.  There was a distinct lack of 'gentleman-ness' about the whole thing.  I felt very uncomfortable with this much 'touchy-feely' so early on.  The situation didn't feel right.

I know there is a lot of detail here, but seriously, we are not teenagers anymore.  We do not really know each other yet and he didn't ask.  I kept saying slow down, there is no rush.  Maybe if I had said it in Greek, he might have got the message.  

Finally, I said I needed to get back to pick up my child and so we got into the car and he dropped me not far from home.  I did not want him to see where I lived.  He drove off and I started the walk home.

I came away from that date feeling more than a bit violated, with my sensibilities being completely ignored and feel guilty.  I couldn't stop crying.  I felt awful.  I had found myself thinking about DC and about the strength of my feelings for him which I still have, knowing that I have to move on.

I was not prepared for the way that date went and I am not ready for another one.  I am fairly sure that I will not see the Greek again.  But I was hopeful of the potential in meeting a nice man so randomly.

I do still believe that there is someone out there for me, who will treat me with respect but who will also induce the intensity of feelings that DC produced in me.

But for right now, I remain a tad reticent towards another date with anyone, while I regain some of my fragile composure.