I'm not really sure what I want to say in this post, more that I want to ruminate on bits that have been floating around my mind. I think I'll start with talking about DC, my not-so-new man.
I am definitely liking him a lot, which is no secret. In fact, he tells me the same, but getting a bit frustrated at the same time. It's been my bone of contention for a while now, the gaps of communication between dates. He referred to himself as being like an onion (I thought more like an artichoke with a heart at the centre), full of layers which I was slowly peeling away. Apparently this doesn't happen with many people, he's a very private man. He talks more frequently about his family, work and his thoughts, but it's the spaces in between that I'm not handling very well. This relationship (his words) has been going on for almost nine months and I want a bit more. But I'm finding it hard to ask for more right now, as his mum has gone back to being critical with her health. I want to say to him that he needs to show me that sometimes I'm a priority, not his work and occasionally not his family, just me. But that is confrontational and as a friend suggested, am I worried by a negative outcome? No, I don't think I am, but at the same time I don't want to add to his pressure. He calls me his 'luxury' and the way I feel when with him surpasses the frustrations. He rang this afternoon, asking if I still needed help with my laptop. It was 4.30pm and my child was running around like a mad thing. He was up for it. He watched her, talked with her, played with her, taught her a few dance moves, she taught him a few dance moves and at bed-time, she requested he read her a story. I found it so heart-warming to see. He seemed relaxed and at ease with it all. They both seemed to enjoy the evening. Unfortunately he had to leave suddenly. It's hard watching him wait. I remember the waiting when my dad was ill. The end is always inevitable, coming when it comes. It has it's own schedule and doesn't always happen at a convenient time. I wish there was something that I could say or do, something more that might ease the coming moment.
I am definitely liking him a lot, which is no secret. In fact, he tells me the same, but getting a bit frustrated at the same time. It's been my bone of contention for a while now, the gaps of communication between dates. He referred to himself as being like an onion (I thought more like an artichoke with a heart at the centre), full of layers which I was slowly peeling away. Apparently this doesn't happen with many people, he's a very private man. He talks more frequently about his family, work and his thoughts, but it's the spaces in between that I'm not handling very well. This relationship (his words) has been going on for almost nine months and I want a bit more. But I'm finding it hard to ask for more right now, as his mum has gone back to being critical with her health. I want to say to him that he needs to show me that sometimes I'm a priority, not his work and occasionally not his family, just me. But that is confrontational and as a friend suggested, am I worried by a negative outcome? No, I don't think I am, but at the same time I don't want to add to his pressure. He calls me his 'luxury' and the way I feel when with him surpasses the frustrations. He rang this afternoon, asking if I still needed help with my laptop. It was 4.30pm and my child was running around like a mad thing. He was up for it. He watched her, talked with her, played with her, taught her a few dance moves, she taught him a few dance moves and at bed-time, she requested he read her a story. I found it so heart-warming to see. He seemed relaxed and at ease with it all. They both seemed to enjoy the evening. Unfortunately he had to leave suddenly. It's hard watching him wait. I remember the waiting when my dad was ill. The end is always inevitable, coming when it comes. It has it's own schedule and doesn't always happen at a convenient time. I wish there was something that I could say or do, something more that might ease the coming moment.
No comments:
Post a Comment