Life is not fair.
This is something that my father used to say on a regular basis to us children.
A few days ago, my ex rang to talk with Child and as the conversation progressed, he started talking about the future. He mentioned Disney. I took the phone and asked him what he was talking about.
"Oh I want to come over and visit as I haven't been for a couple of years (more like 3 but whose counting). I want to see Child's school and I thought I'd take Child on a cruise and let Mickey take care of the other 2."
"Is this part of your official 'time' with Child or as well as?" (Fair question I thought).
"Don't start this again, I get 'X' amount of time. We went through all this last year. This will be as well as." All this was said in a slightly raised, exasperated and sarcastic voice.
My heckles were raised and I felt a bit panicky. He talks as if he has me over a barrel.
I stopped the conversation and gave the phone back to Child.
I was not going to get into this discussion with Child sitting right there.
But it left me with a strange taste in my mouth.
I rang my dear friend and left a message reiterating all this.
She rang back and asked why I wasn't excited by the prospect of having time off, after all, I am full time mum, I get the occasional night to myself but most of the time it is 24/7. She questioned whether I wasn't slightly envious of the fact that he could spend money and take her away, do something fun with her.
Having received this message, I sat there for a while and reflected.
You know what?
I think she was right.
I do wish that I could afford to take Child on holidays to new places, instead any spare cash I have goes on tickets to take her to see her dad (legally obligated!).
I think one of the things that bothered me about all this, is that didn't ring to ask about any plans that might already be in place. His are always demands and not requests. I would like him to be more courteous, unfortunately I think its too late for this leopard to change it's spots.
But I am also pissed off with him for not being more forth coming about paying for every day things for Child, like swimming lessons.
So yes, spending lots of cash on a frivolous holiday does slightly upset me.
And I hate that it always comes down to money, he has it and I don't.
But I have Child, who enriches my life more than he will ever know.
I long for the day that I can take whatever money he gives me for my Child, stick it into a savings account and not actually NEED it.
Independence, that's my goal.
This is something that my father used to say on a regular basis to us children.
A few days ago, my ex rang to talk with Child and as the conversation progressed, he started talking about the future. He mentioned Disney. I took the phone and asked him what he was talking about.
"Oh I want to come over and visit as I haven't been for a couple of years (more like 3 but whose counting). I want to see Child's school and I thought I'd take Child on a cruise and let Mickey take care of the other 2."
"Is this part of your official 'time' with Child or as well as?" (Fair question I thought).
"Don't start this again, I get 'X' amount of time. We went through all this last year. This will be as well as." All this was said in a slightly raised, exasperated and sarcastic voice.
My heckles were raised and I felt a bit panicky. He talks as if he has me over a barrel.
I stopped the conversation and gave the phone back to Child.
I was not going to get into this discussion with Child sitting right there.
But it left me with a strange taste in my mouth.
I rang my dear friend and left a message reiterating all this.
She rang back and asked why I wasn't excited by the prospect of having time off, after all, I am full time mum, I get the occasional night to myself but most of the time it is 24/7. She questioned whether I wasn't slightly envious of the fact that he could spend money and take her away, do something fun with her.
Having received this message, I sat there for a while and reflected.
You know what?
I think she was right.
I do wish that I could afford to take Child on holidays to new places, instead any spare cash I have goes on tickets to take her to see her dad (legally obligated!).
I think one of the things that bothered me about all this, is that didn't ring to ask about any plans that might already be in place. His are always demands and not requests. I would like him to be more courteous, unfortunately I think its too late for this leopard to change it's spots.
But I am also pissed off with him for not being more forth coming about paying for every day things for Child, like swimming lessons.
So yes, spending lots of cash on a frivolous holiday does slightly upset me.
And I hate that it always comes down to money, he has it and I don't.
But I have Child, who enriches my life more than he will ever know.
I long for the day that I can take whatever money he gives me for my Child, stick it into a savings account and not actually NEED it.
Independence, that's my goal.
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