I'm sitting on my couch watching, as the title suggests, "How to look good naked" and I realise how ridiculous I must sometimes appear to the people in my life.
This particular episode focuses on a girl who is in remission from breast cancer and has gone from clubbing party goer to quiet subdued tracksuit wearer. She had never seen the long, narrow scar that crossed her back and neither had her partner. She came across as being very detached from it all, emotionally.
And watching this programme made me realise, to some degree, how much I have changed in the last year. After my divorce and transatlantic move home, it took a long time regain some of the vibrancy that had been lost in the latter years of my time in America. It had almost completely disappeared in the first couple of years back here and resurfaced a few months before my 40th birthday, slowly.
I am always in tears when I see Gok and his guest in front of the mirrors. The woman has to stand in front of a 3 way mirror in her underwear and look at herself. It is emotionally bearing all, not just removing the outer layers of her clothes, but revealing the issues behind the negative emotions of seeing oneself naked. I do have a very large mirror in my bedroom, but it is hidden away behind a bookshelf and prior to that, I'd had a draped curtain that would be closed most of the time. I am not fond of seeing myself in a mirror. It gets better with a sun tan, but most of the time it's pale and wobbly, with a tummy and an ever-growing bottom. I don't want to see the reality of the shape of my body post baby and acrimonious divorce.
My man recently commented on how comfortable I now am being naked around him. I don't cover up, turn the light off or get embarrassed. It seems that my emotional scarring is slowly dissipating, dissolving and disappearing. With him, I am learning to understand that what someone else sees is not necessarily the same as my own view. Perception is individual. But when I'm alone, that is when I still can't look at myself as a whole. I can see only the parts that seem acceptable to me, the bits that I consider ok. But seeing the awful shape of what I have become from where I had been, is hard for me to accept and I seem unable to regain what had been and very obviously never will.
But seeing these women learn how to appreciate the positives in what they do have within their bodies, is somewhat inspiring. Look at what I do have as 'glass half full' in the optimistic light.
As a dear friend often reminds me after a compliment, just say "thank you".
This particular episode focuses on a girl who is in remission from breast cancer and has gone from clubbing party goer to quiet subdued tracksuit wearer. She had never seen the long, narrow scar that crossed her back and neither had her partner. She came across as being very detached from it all, emotionally.
And watching this programme made me realise, to some degree, how much I have changed in the last year. After my divorce and transatlantic move home, it took a long time regain some of the vibrancy that had been lost in the latter years of my time in America. It had almost completely disappeared in the first couple of years back here and resurfaced a few months before my 40th birthday, slowly.
I am always in tears when I see Gok and his guest in front of the mirrors. The woman has to stand in front of a 3 way mirror in her underwear and look at herself. It is emotionally bearing all, not just removing the outer layers of her clothes, but revealing the issues behind the negative emotions of seeing oneself naked. I do have a very large mirror in my bedroom, but it is hidden away behind a bookshelf and prior to that, I'd had a draped curtain that would be closed most of the time. I am not fond of seeing myself in a mirror. It gets better with a sun tan, but most of the time it's pale and wobbly, with a tummy and an ever-growing bottom. I don't want to see the reality of the shape of my body post baby and acrimonious divorce.
I am self-deprecating in a non-humorous way about my physical shape.
This is all background and now falling by the wayside.My man recently commented on how comfortable I now am being naked around him. I don't cover up, turn the light off or get embarrassed. It seems that my emotional scarring is slowly dissipating, dissolving and disappearing. With him, I am learning to understand that what someone else sees is not necessarily the same as my own view. Perception is individual. But when I'm alone, that is when I still can't look at myself as a whole. I can see only the parts that seem acceptable to me, the bits that I consider ok. But seeing the awful shape of what I have become from where I had been, is hard for me to accept and I seem unable to regain what had been and very obviously never will.
But seeing these women learn how to appreciate the positives in what they do have within their bodies, is somewhat inspiring. Look at what I do have as 'glass half full' in the optimistic light.
As a dear friend often reminds me after a compliment, just say "thank you".
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