Wobbly moments

I'm feeling decidedly wobbly at the moment.

It is that feeling of not being in control, not knowing if my 3 year plan will come to fruition.

It's the anxiety about money, about responsibility, about being a grown-up.

These last two days especially, have taken their toll on me, emotionally.

I feel worn out by it all.

I feel tearful a lot of the time.

In fact, I am tearful a lot of the time.

It's almost incontrolable.

I think its the not knowing when the financial support for university will be in place. It's being on tenter hooks with my tummy churning. I can feel my heart racing.

This doesn't feel healthy.

I'm not feeling like a good mummy either, as it is making be very shouty.

My poor daughter is baring the brunt of this anxiety.

I'm too hard on her, I know I am but I'm not sure how not to be. How do I change?.

She's only seven, still very young and yet I'm expecting her to do what's asked - pronto!

She's tired after a long day and wants to relax, while I want everything done, food, bath, teeth, toilet etc and finished in a timely fashion. But she's only young.

I need to remind myself of that fact.

I am the grown-up in this relationship and I need to reign myself in. I have to learn to control my anxieties, to leave the shouting outside.

I sometimes feel like my ability to be a good mummy is being compromised by outside influences. I have to learn to close the file/folder on the events of the day and leave it at the front door.

I know that I worry about being able to give my child a good and happy life. I simply want her to have what I had growing up. A carefree childhood in a loving environment.

Unfortunately, as with most things in life, that is sadly subject to change and that is part of my worry. In recent weeks, it the possibility of change that has been weighing me down. It is this fear of not being able to provide for my child that is the cause of some of my grief. I need to have faith that it will all be ok, eventually.

I remain forever hopeful.